I know. Temperature is relative. 10c is cold, unless you are from Edmonton. San Franciscans put on heavy coats at 5c – while northern travelers are in t-shirts.

I’ll tell you a secret though. -35c (-31f) is a great equalizer.

It’s -35° FUCKINGCOLD.

I know.  I’m using bad language, but you know what?  At -35c it’s expected.  Hell – it’s the only word that comes out of any adult mouth.  Know why?  It’s FUCKING COLD.

For those loyal readers in balmier shores – let me give you an example of what happens at -35c ( °FUCKINGCOLD )

• Fishing?  Come on.  After a week at this temperature, lakes will build as much as 24″ of ice if not well insulated by snow.
• Car parts no longer fit together properly, leaving creaky gaps everywhere.
• Houses expand and contract under the pressure of a furnace, causing popping and creaking, as well as booming keeping you up at night.
• Doors and windows no longer operate – and if they do – it may only be once, forcing you to dig out ice from joints in order to close them.
• Doors to your car may not close once opened as the lubricant used in the latches is no longer viscous, but a solid at these temperatures.
• Flourescent bulbs (yes – the energy efficient ones) may fail to fire on outside lights, plunging your garage (if unheated) and house lights stunningly dark.
• ANY humidity present in the air freezes into ice-fog, covering everything with a fine dust of beautiful, but °FUCKINGCOLD ice particles.
• A glass of water tossed into the air will generally not land, rather turning to snow instantly.
• Any beverage container left in your car for more than 1 hour will likely explode, coating your vehicle in cola, water or… gasp… beer.
• a 30km/h wind at -35c will have an apparent temperature below -45c (close to -60f actually) and freeze skin solid in under 4 minutes.

Despite all this – in spring, the trees happily awaken refreshed and grow like mad.   Spring creeks flow again, and the trout that have overwintered gladly take a dry fly.

All one has to do is live long enough to see spring.  Which in Alberta is also known as ‘July’.

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Posted in At the Edge Day to Day IMHO by Scratch No Comments Yet