I know. Temperature is relative. 10c is cold, unless you are from Edmonton. San Franciscans put on heavy coats at 5c - while northern travelers are in t-shirts.
I’ll tell you a secret though. -35c (-31f) is a great equalizer.
It’s -35° FUCKINGCOLD.
I know. I’m using bad language, but you know what? At -35c it’s expected. Hell - it’s the only word that comes out of any adult mouth. Know why? It’s FUCKING COLD.
For those loyal readers in balmier shores - let me give you an example of what happens at -35c ( °FUCKINGCOLD )
- Fishing? Come on. After a week at this temperature, lakes will build as much as 24″ of ice if not well insulated by snow.
- Car parts no longer fit together properly, leaving creaky gaps everywhere.
- Houses expand and contract under the pressure of a furnace, causing popping and creaking, as well as booming keeping you up at night.
- Doors and windows no longer operate - and if they do - it may only be once, forcing you to dig out ice from joints in order to close them.
- Doors to your car may not close once opened as the lubricant used in the latches is no longer viscous, but a solid at these temperatures.
- Flourescent bulbs (yes - the energy efficient ones) may fail to fire on outside lights, plunging your garage (if unheated) and house lights stunningly dark.
- ANY humidity present in the air freezes into ice-fog, covering everything with a fine dust of beautiful, but °FUCKINGCOLD ice particles.
- A glass of water tossed into the air will generally not land, rather turning to snow instantly.
- Any beverage container left in your car for more than 1 hour will likely explode, coating your vehicle in cola, water or… gasp… beer.
- a 30km/h wind at -35c will have an apparent temperature below -45c (close to -60f actually) and freeze skin solid in under 4 minutes.
Despite all this - in spring, the trees happily awaken refreshed and grow like mad. Spring creeks flow again, and the trout that have overwintered gladly take a dry fly.
All one has to do is live long enough to see spring. Which in Alberta is also known as ‘July’.