This Picture shows what a cheeky boy Ben has become. He is doing so much more than even a couple of weeks ago. Like clapping, climbing stairs(Joy), showing his temper(with pursed lips), dancing (sort of), and even giving (sloppy) kisses. He gets into everything, including the dog water and coconut (a long story), and tries to eat the dog food every chance he gets.

So it’s kind of sad to be back at work. I don’t get to see him learning new things or even get exasperated by his antics. I do enjoy being at work again, but I miss him terribly. Ben misses me too, I think, because when we first get home I’m not allowed to put him down. He will slowly become more comfortable with the “new norm”, and be ok with playing with mega blocks all day. It will just take time.

It’s been easier than I expected, mainly because I have confidence in my dayhome, but I still find myself watching the clock, and racing to get home to spend time with my favorite little boy.

I have never fully understood a mother’s need for her child, and to some extent, I still don’t, I just know that he’s my son, and I love him like nothing I have ever known. MY Monster.

By the way: visit this page.

This little boy has been my world for the last 11 months. Soon, I have to go back to work.
Now, I know that for my sanity (and my bank account) I need to go back, but it’s really a hard thing to do. Not just finding childcare and organizing the return, but allowing someone else to care for and cuddle your child.
Ben is a loving boy, who loves to cuddle with his Mum, and whenever he is scared, tired, hungry or hurt, he knows that I am always there for him.
Soon, I won’t be. He will be laughing at someone else’s antics, and giving hugs and cuddling with someone else, even if it’s just for a little bit. That breaks my heart. I am lucky that my hours are my hours, and overtime is usually not required, and I get holidays and Christmas week off, but still…
I know that this will be good for him. He is a confident, well rounded, happy little boy that loves to play. He will enjoy being with other kids, and I hope that he will form lasting friendships with some of them. But does it have to be so hard? I guess that is the job of a Mum.
I think I need to do some baking. With chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
Sniff.

We first got up a little late had breakfast, played, all our usual morning stuff. Then we packed up a small picnic lunch and went off for a day of geocaching. We targeted caches which required a little walk, or had a playground and Ben enjoyed all of it, except for getting back into the carseat.

We came back home for dinner and a long nap, after which we headed out for the fireworks. Greg and I were really wanting to turn around and go home, but decided to forge ahead all in the name of Ben’s first fireworks.

Ben was tired and grumpy, and I was almost ready to pack up and just go home when the fireworks finally started. All I can say is, wow. The fireworks were fabulous, and Ben absolutely LOVED them. I never expected that reaction, But I’m thrilled. He was laughing, squealing, kicking, and making his O face (his excited face). For all 20 minutes of the show.

We were home 15 minutes before midnight, and Ben was asleep by midnight.

It was a wonderful day, and I hope it can compare next year. The pics will be up shortly, and you’ll see that at least for us, it was perfect.

Now, before you gasp and tell us off(Greg was against this too, initially), think about it. His little mouth could never eat the whole thing in one go, so no choking hazard. He loved it though. Hearing him sucking on that meat going mmmm….mmmmm….. was totally worth it. hehe.

What can I say other than- We have the best, cutest boy in the world. Not that I’m biased or anything.

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Originally uploaded by ‘Scratch’.

Ben will turn 4 months on the 12th. I have now conceded the fact that he is my entire universe which does scare me at times. My day is filled with saying aaawoohh, aguh, and blowing spit bubbles. When I’m not with him, I’m thinking about him or what I can get him to play with and keep him stimulated with. I hate when I can’t figure out why he’s crying. We go to mom’s groups and buy the best formula and constantly assess his growth and I know this is normal, but I wasn’t quite prepared for this obsession. I wouldn’t change being a Mum for the world, and I know that Greg wouldn’t change being a Dad either, except maybe the dirty diapers. He’s fun and exciting and sweet and smart, what can I say?

Also this year, Paul celebrated his one year since getting “blowed-up”. Both Paul and Audra and their son, Simon have changed a lot, and in some ways, I think, all of us have grown closer.

It’s cliche – but love does amazing things. It can help you survive against all odds, live without sleep for days, put you out of your comfort zone and even create other loves (uhh- Ben?). Last year was one of change and learning. Here’s hoping that this year is a little less exciting, but even more rewarding.

The last 8 weeks have been an absolute blur, and I can’t believe so much has changed. My whole brain has shifted, and I have learned so much, you would not believe.
First, the amount of love I have for my son is beyond description. I am tearing up now just thinking about him. I never knew what other parents were talking about before having him. I love (and laugh) every time I hear his sighs, laugh and his poop grunts, even with the horrendous smells that come with them.

Second, the uncertainty I feel in everything I do is a huge surprise. The plans you have before a baby just goes out the window. You constantly want to make sure he is breathing and doing ok. Then you are worried that you are not feeding him right, giving enough stimulation or “Tummy Time” bathing him enough, etc, etc. I had planned on keeping him 100% in the crib, getting him into a sleep schedule that works for me, and getting housework done in between.
The reality is that he still doesn’t sleep through the night, he comes into bed with me in the mornings, and I’m lucky if I get the dishwasher loaded some days before Greg gets home. That’s ok tho, because he rarely cries, he laughs lots, and I know that we are his whole world, and he is ours.

Third, babies get very heavy. He has already gained over 4 pounds, and I am essentially carrying 13 pounds of potatoes constantly. shoveling all that snow has not bothered me at all. I have arms of steel now.

Finally, I am extremely proud of my husband and more in love with him every day. He gives so much of himself everyday, and that is after he has spent a full day at work he comes home to a messy house, and is more than willing to take over the baby care while I make dinner, shower etc.

And to all the other new Dad’s out there, Greg has changed more than a few really messy and stinky diapers, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. – No, Greg did not pay me to say this. I just want him to know that he is not taken for granted or unappreciated.

I feel like I’m the luckiest new Mum and wife in the world.

1. Feeling special. Not everyone gets to experience this.
2. Adventure. This is all very new and scary, but I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.
3. Feeling him move and kick inside of me. It is a feeling like none other I can describe, and I take comfort in knowing he’s ok.
4. Decorating. I get to pick all the furniture and colors and what theme/ animals/bugs need to go into the baby’s room.
5. Watching my belly grow and not feeling guilty about it.
6. Picking out names. We chose the names that felt right in our hearts, more than anything.
7. Knowing I get to go on Maternity leave for a whole year!
8. Feeling better than I did when I wasn’t pregnant. It’s almost like natural Prozac.
9. The fact that I have only gained 3 or 4 pounds in 6 months. If I continue on this, I’ll have lost weight before I leave the hospital!
10. Most of all I love know that there is a growing thriving child inside of me. It is surreal and I made it all by myself! (almost…)
11. Hair & skin. Any acne has cleared up, and my hair and nails are doing wonderfully!

I hate:

1. Not being able to sleep, especially on my stomach.
2. Feeling him move inside of me. When it feels like he’s trying climb out of me via my rib cage. It doesn’t feel so pleasant, or when he rolls over and my whole stomach hardens and I feel like I can’t breathe.
3. Not feeling him move inside me. I need reassurance that he’s ok.
4. Medical surprises, like ligament stretching, or finding out I have gestational Diabetes, or maybe C-section in the future.
5. Waiting for the next step in the pregnancy. I’m kind of impatient.
6. The thought of childbirth and breastfeeding. I keep hearing horror stories about both, so I continue to try and plug my ears and hum “LaLaLaLaLa” until I pass out.

There are other things about pregnancy that isn’t so exciting, like stretch marks, morning sickness and needing to pee constantly, etc, etc, but I have to say that I really enjoy being pregnant. I just hope that doesn’t scare Greg too much.

[ED NOTE: No - it doesn't scare me.  But I think I'm going to have to give Lin her own blog...  -g ]

He’s reminding me all the time that he’s here. The last day or two I think he’s had insomnia, because he has been SO active. I am now calling it BellyVision [Trademark Pending]. It’s so funny to watch, and I’m just fascinated.

Greg & I received a couple of packages from his Mom Monday night, full of baby clothes. I just have to say wow! There were tons of adorable, tiny, great clothes (the shoes and socks almost made me cry), that is going to save us loads of money & grief. I love them, but at the same time, it’s making it more & more real. I’m really pregnant and having a baby! (the DUH! Heard around the world).

We are also getting from Greg’s Dad & Del our stroller and car seat combo. The fold down is idiot-proof and car seat will have 2 bases for easy switching between cars, and a 5 point harness to keep baby safe. A huge load off our minds, these items.

Finally, Greg is being Super Handyman, redoing the electrical and (hopefully) plumbing in the basement so that we can move our spare room and rename the first the “Baby’s Room” aka “Skeletor’s Lair”. We have picked out colors, and when we (Greg) start painting, I will post pictures for all to see.

The nesting instinct in Preggy people is a funny thing. You become obsessed and soon realize that all you and your partner talk about is baby stuff.  Boring to some, but all consuming to us, so enjoy!